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September 23rd, 2010 � 7:08pm
[ mood | exhausted ]

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 - Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 - Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 - A moment, in great detail
Day 09 - Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 - Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 - One last moment, in great detail

Day 01

I am Melanie, 22 years old and from Germany. In my childhood I moved around a lot, but always within Germany. Therefor my best friend lives 4h away from me, but we have been best friends for 11 almost 12 years. Her name is Marlen and we are so different, but love each other a lot. my other best friend, who is also my ex-boyfriend lives in the UK, so I hardly never get to see him as well.
I speak german, english, danish and a bit french. I want to learn sign language and I want to speak spanish fluently one day as well.
I am currently a trainee to become a Health Service Officer. It's not what I really want to do with my life. Styudying forensic science and working as a scientist is what I really want to do, but I choose to do this training to always be able to find a job somewhere. I can always work in an office and do paperwork!
Studying forensic science is rather new in Germany so I had to play it safe.
I love art, I love to sew, I love to draw and I can't live without music in my live. I am very passionate about anything that interests me, but really lazy if its not even close to catching my interest.
I prefer to learn things autodidactic and on my own terms then being pushed and forced to take tests.

2 comments reply | edit memory

January 10th, 2010 � 9:22pm
[ mood | sad ]

"last night i spontaniously went over to ninas place to watch rock am ring live on mtv and to get drunk.
sharing an entire bottle of vodka with her is pretty much the usual and ending up drunk dancing and sining along rock songs together is pretty much how we always end our nights. well ok it usually ends with her kicking me out ( but in a nice and friendly way :] )" - june '09

I miss that..... tonight I am feeling rather lonely. No one is online or at home... I am on my own listening to Justin Timberlake and having tears in my eyes.
After spending almost an entire week with my best friend (who I only get to see every other year or less) and now having to go back to my old life is hard. I miss Marlen and I miss Nina.
I am honestly fed up with being alone and single.
"Tell me is this fair?"

I don't want to be lonely anymore.. and I don't know what I am doing wrong?!
It's starting to piss me off so badly, that I don't know why I am still on my own and why I don't seem to be able to find someone new.

I am just fed up tonight... =(

4 comments reply | edit memory

November 13th, 2009 � 8:36pm
[ mood | thoughtful ]

a real friend is not someone with whos antics you always have to put up with and they never do that with yours... but someone who sticks to you through thick and thin, puts up with your antics as much as you put up with theirs

after all these years of me being such an ass, my best friend still listens to what i have to say and tells me that she loves me.
i have done her so wrong.. best friends dont have to listen to the same music as you do, they dont have to like the same stuff.. they just have to like you for who you are. they have to be able to make you laugh and make you feel comfortable. they should be able chase you, when you are pretty much running away from them.
she has done all that and much more and i have been so blind and thought, that other people who share same interrests with me were my best friends.
those are gone cause they didnt really care and she is still there for me... and i am sick of chasing after you, my other person! you would never do that if i was you and in your situation. your not existing actions speak louder than your lame excuses.
i am not done with you because i am a good friend, but i am sad and hurt and i need to vent.. but i will still be there when you need me. i will come over to your place in the middle of the night when something went wrong again. i will not confront you directly, because i know you dont need that. you yourself have to realize what you have to do, to make your life better again. i can't make decisions for you, although the thoughts about doing just that are pretty much spinning in circles in my head for so long now. but it's your life and not mine (although your life IS affecting mine pretty badly)...

i'll be a good friend, keep my mouth shut and appreciate my best friend a whole lot more than i did those past 3 years..
maybe you my dear friend will realise one day how wrong you have been, just like i did today.

ich hab dich lieb marlen.

best friends take pictures of you, jumping from poles ;)

0 comments reply | edit memory

March 21st, 2009 � 9:10pm
[ mood | cheerful ]

i guess... i am still alive?!

and yes its been 7 weeks since i last posted a blog... but no one reads this anyways, so why bother to post a blog.
i once used to be a frequent blogger who also wrote several comments every day and made new friends online all day long.. but no i am more interessted in the challenge of meeting new people in the real world and making new friends.

i kinda suck at it, but i am getting better xD


yes... i AM addicted to polardroid now xD
i just love polaroids and since the real films for my camera are so extremly expensive, i just have to love that software ^^
it even makes you wait for the picture to develope



last august i wrote the following:

but i am not doing well anyways.... something is missing and i feel like i've lost myself

"ouch... i have lost myself again
lost myself and i dont know where to be found"

Sia - Breath Me (01:25 - 01:40)

8 months passed and i just re-read that passage and realized, that i did loose myself back then. i lost the me that i have been back then.. well mostly just a very dominant part of my life back then. the gothic-lifestyle has never really been my lifestyle and i started to push it out of my life, which left me feeling lost, but i am now back to being me again. i guess it took me a while and also some time decorating my room again, but now i am back to who i used to be before michelle entered my life.
i never felt like a goth.. i was just an imposer
i am... me.... i love the sun, colours, hello kitty, black clothes but combined with cuteness
i like music that mostly isnt electronical.. i mean i still love ebm and i do still go out to gothic night, but i am not like them...
i am different among the different.

4 comments reply | edit memory

...the end of the world [
October 27th, 2008 � 8:17pm
[ mood | exhausted ]


i havent posted a serious blog in quiet a while... by serious i mean a blog that actually contained some text cause i only seem to post pictures these days.
i guess its just work draining every ounce of power out of me recently.

fucking hell... do you know how much a i sometimes hate that one dude that says what i shall or shall not do aka my boss?
he wanted to blame a huge mistake on me twice today and both times it wasnt my fucking fault!!!

....only 2 more days untill i have a week and 2 days off <3

on wednesday ill get to see what my new tattoo will look like and then on friday its tattooing-time *squeals from excitment* xD

what kind of weirds me out is the fact, that my current taste in music has changed so much again. i am into placebo, coldplay and such stuff a lot.. and right now i highly enjoy black sabbath. i used to listen to industrial and electronic stuff before i kinda slipped into this soft and grunge rock phase lol

only time will tell what i will want to listen to next

the cure !!
gosh i sooooo want to see the cure live again
yes AGAIN!
i saw them or more him already *dreams*
yes i do have a crush on robert smith. he is just, so amazingly awsome. i cant explain why i love him. its just... i love him for who he is and i would love to take him home with me <3

anyways .. now i am off to watch a new simpsones episode


0 comments reply | edit memory

September 28th, 2008 � 1:31pm
[ mood | strange ]

i am currently living in a strange way... at two places
but i will be back fully at home by the 10th of october
aka i am currently at school (for 3 weeks in total) and its in another town... but on the weekends i have to go back home

i got my hair cut
its... shoooort
and i like that

certain things keep on floating around in my head n i cant get them out of there

seether = love



1 comments reply | edit memory

September 18th, 2008 � 9:06pm
[ mood | thirsty ]

take a picture of yourself right now.
don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
post that picture with NO editing.
post these instructions with your picture.

stolen from necroangel666

1 comments reply | edit memory

August 19th, 2008 � 8:05pm
[ mood | tired ]

Bien venue dans le bureau xD



ran around the office all day long and took pictures of everyone.... i am so damn tired now, its not even funny
i wasnt even able to get off the couch downstairs after i had my feet up... bad mistake

but i am not doing well anyways.... something is missing and i feel like i've lost myself

"ouch... i have lost myself again
lost myself and i dont know where to be found"

Sia - Breath Me (01:25 - 01:40)

0 comments reply | edit memory

August 12th, 2008 � 10:14pm
[ mood | okay ]

M'era Luna 2008

August 8 - 11

The Other

listened to some more
didnt shower at all
but what the heck.. who did??
had a blast
although i had a semi-breakdown


0 comments reply | edit memory

"..i wonder if you ever think of me..." - Vanessa Carlton [
July 5th, 2008 � 9:24pm
[ mood | blank ]

i check my livejournal friendspage every single day and every single day livejournal tells me, that its been too long since i posted my last entry.
i dont even know what happned during those past 3 weeks. all i do these days is work and hope, that they day passes by qickly so it will be weekend and i can sleep. although this hasnt happened i still hoped for it to happen

i hope for so many things to happen even though i know, that they probably wont happen or it will take ages for them to happen. i still keep my hopes up high.. but last night was like a punch in the face and i now know how awful it is to be among about 100 people of your kind and still feel alone.
my friend abandoned me and i felt miserable all night... i should have known it to be honest. its just how she is and i actually decided to accept her that way cause there are so many other positive aspects about her, that i love. i just had bad luck last night cause friends cancled on me and i was left there on my own and felt like the 5th wheel.

what made me feel so awful was mostly, that i try so hard to have friends and be social but every now and then something like this happens to me and i am no one... it gives me the feeling, that no one cares and i am just by myself..
these days i find it hard to find the right person to contact when i feel like hell. some years ago i always had someone to talk to but at the moment i am all by myself.
i do have friends, but i dont have someone who i am close enough to, to contact and talk openly about all my miserable feelings. this is not what i want..
what did i do wrong to end up where i am now?

anyways... the other night i met Steve Naghavi of And One

krissi was so nice to take a picture of us that night. she is a really sweet and nice girl and her, torben, michelle and myself will go to the m'era luna festival in august. i can't wait for that to happen. once krissi is around i am not alone cause we chat all the time and we have many things in common but she lives close to hamburg so i get to see her maybe once a month.

i am feeling much better now that i got this all out.

0 comments reply | edit memory

the cute strawberries can speak.. [
June 7th, 2008 � 9:25pm
[ mood | amused ]

see... they can

recently i think, that photos say more than words.
i am feeling great, went swimming again
in autumn funker vogt will play in flensburg *jumps up and down like a mofo*

there are more pictures behind the cut ^^

0 comments reply | edit memory

June 6th, 2008 � 7:04pm
[ mood | refreshed ]

today after work dad picked mom and me up. we drove straight to the beach with emily in the trunk to enjoy the weather there and take emily for a walk. 
after i was in the water with just my feet, i had this huge urge to jump in completely and after a short debate with my dad i pulled off my clothes and jumped in just wearing my underwear 
and it felt so amazing
i love swimming
its because i pretty much grew up being at the beach.

0 comments reply | edit memory

June 1st, 2008 � 10:30pm
[ mood | lonely ]

no matter how hard i try and no matter what i do with who ever i do it
i am still not able to forget him
its been a year since i have been there and it all happened so fast
i got scared although i knew you for years before we met
i love you with all my heart and i wonder if there will ever be someone like you again for me
maybe you were the right one and i pushed you away because i was too scared
all i know right now, is that last year at around this time i was the most happy girl on this planet
ever since i had to think of you every single day. there was always something that reminded me of you and i know, that that wont change
i hope, that you think of me as well every now and then
i never wanted to hurt you in any way, but i felt the need to get you out of my life
why? - because even if i had you i have never really had you

i was thinking, that maybe i should write you a letter, but you moved... and i dont know what exactly to tell you
we both changed so much and i miss who you have been some years ago

maybe i should just leave you alone
i dont want to disturb your life when its just gotten better


0 comments reply | edit memory

May 23rd, 2008 � 10:43am
[ mood | drained ]

Die Saat des Bösen....

last night i came across something that i dont think i should have come across
when i started reading and got to the point where my name was mentioned, the room around me started to spinn, my mind went blank and it took me geat effort to get back on track to read more.
it was the first time ever, that my brain went into "system overload"-mode and it freaked me out
ever since, i go back and forth in my mind what i should do... if i should do something at all

i am utterly confused but slowly getting back on track

after reading those lines last night, i spent some time on my couch listening to rammstein and trying to forget
i was so good for such a long time... i dont know why i got weak last night...
i guess my tripp to danmark yesterday got the ball rolling..

flickr should totally allow me to upload more than 200 photos (for free) but since that wont happen i think i will pay the money and upgrade my account next month

*rolls eyes*
so next month i will pay my 50€ to flo for my next tattoo and buy the ticket for the hurricane festival
since i didnt get to see that many bands at the WGT in leipzig i will go there and satisfy my concert-need

>___> i am jealous of michelle.... she has such a beautiful stuffed crow... that was very random.. whatever

listening to "Untoten" is random as well.. but they are kinda cool once you got into them and know the good songs (Abdomination, Raben & Saat des Bösen)
Soko Friedhof however is not really my thing. they are a bit too creepy for me. even for me... 0___o

now go, get me a crow skull so can put it on a leather necklace together with my teeth *grins*


0 comments reply | edit memory

some things cant be photographed [
May 21st, 2008 � 10:46pm
[ mood | at ease ]

i got my septum pierced a week ago

every once in a while i feel this special feeling... being totally at ease... everything seems neither good nor bad. i am just perfectly grounded and i am so fine with that. when i am in this mood i watch my surroundings with special care and i see all the beauty of nature.
the blooming blossoms, the trees with their fresh green leaves, the spring/summer sun shining ever so beautiful
its all just so perfect and i regret not being able to capture this feeling with my camera
but i guess
some things cant be photographed 

2 comments reply | edit memory

WGT 2008 [
May 20th, 2008 � 9:03pm
[ mood | bouncy ]

WGT 2008 - May 8th till 12th 

weather: HOT!!
its was just awsome!!!

i am honestly not in the mood to type right now so i will just post pics
i hope you like them 

1 comments reply | edit memory

WGT 2008 <3 [
May 4th, 2008 � 11:19pm
[ mood | excited ]

i love my pvc corsette... but i look like i am 15 in this pic

the planning for thw WGT is alost done... now its on to buy some food and start packing... in 3 days i will meet my darling <3

we will attend a fetish party *gg*

me = excited

2 comments reply | edit memory

just a scrape to uncover the evidence.. [
April 17th, 2008 � 1:32pm
[ mood | empty ]

something is missing
i can feel this huge hole in my chest
but what part of me is missing?
i dont know with what i am supposed to fill this emptiness

my passion is gone... work consumes my headspace...

fill me up, take my hand and lead me out!


0 comments reply | edit memory

April 15th, 2008 � 3:48pm
[ mood | good ]

i love this picture so much <3
thats flo and me at the speicher by the way

"S. S&J, mein Name is Melanie A. , guten Tag!.... nein der Herr K. ist momentan nicht im Haus... kann ich ihm etwas ausrichten?"

they make us wear name-tags at work now... i dont really mind that, but i find it highly irritating at the moment. i will get used to it - eventually.. >_>
no i know i will get used to it... oh well

last weekend i went to the speicher on friday and on saturday we wet to hamburg to party at the markthalle
party as in dance and drink water
i am not so much into getting totally drunk. when i get the cance to i rather enjoy the music on the dancefloor, but i am not one of those disco-hoppers. i prefer the gothic lifestyle of that. 

there is so much to talk about but i never know where to start and wht i should share with livejournal... 

ask me if you want to know anything

michelle and me at the speicher 

my sorry and sweaty ass in hamburg... i think it was around 4 or 5am and i have been dancing since midnight

i sew that mask and yes i am infact very proud of it


0 comments reply | edit memory

i feel me like the swamp-thing [
April 1st, 2008 � 8:54pm
[ mood | crappy ]

i dont really feel like talking much recently.

sunday i got so drunk
and had to work on monday
i had approx. 2h of sleep and my first real hangover (i was so fortunate untill yesterday... damn that cocktail)
i was still kinda drunk when i went into work on monday

before i got drunk i went outside and took pictures in the swamp

0 comments reply | edit memory

March 28th, 2008 � 9:25pm
[ mood | exhausted ]

the fair is in town and all i had in mind was to take some nice pictures there lol
so.. i went to the fair to eat candy and take pictures xD


0 comments reply | edit memory

someone stole my eggs *shifty eyes* [
March 23rd, 2008 � 4:08pm
[ mood | lazy ]


i went egg-hunting and i needed help cause i was so out of myself after i got up at 11am....

2 comments reply | edit memory

new ink [
March 14th, 2008 � 5:53pm
[ mood | perfect ]

i got my heart back <3

2 comments reply | edit memory

</3 [
March 10th, 2008 � 7:28pm
[ mood | crushed ]

my mom and i work for the same company
in different offices, but we have the same collegues and boss'
i leave at 1pm and she at 5pm
when she came home today, she told me that the wife of one of my boss' passed on today
at 4pm
at 3.30pm she called her husband (my boss) that her heart was stinging and that she would now drive to the hospital
just to be safe
he followed her
at 4.30pm he called into work
i knew her too

this feels so surreal
5 days ago was the 1 year anny of the day a collegues husband died...

people seem to die like flies around me at the moment

0 comments reply | edit memory

achtung !! [
March 8th, 2008 � 1:50am
[ mood | bouncy ]

so i finally put together a pretty decent livejournal layout!
even with a mark ryden painting in it and i even like it. ok i mean... this is nothing compaired to what i was able to pull off on xanga.com back in the days but i still dont really get the entire livejournal layout customizing pages.. they are so freaking confusing!!!
i dont know wether its better to stay on s1 or upgrade to s2
all i know is that i can use html on s1 and i have to use css on s2
but for now every layout i tried out on s2 wouldnt work
so i guess i am staying with s1 for now untill i get more confident with the css and the s2 stuff

yesterday i went into flammend herz and saw my tattoo for the first time
flo took my picture and made something seriously gorgeous out of it
i know that there are many people out there who said that what i am about to say but i dont care... once you have been there you just have to get it out
there fucking is a damn good reason why he is the tattoo artist and i am not

gosh... i'm feeling all bubbly and talkative right now
its only because i just watched two episodes of LA Ink and i always kind of tend to pick up the way people talk and then talk that way as well
thats actually usefull if i am abroad
when i was in nottingham i was really quiet at first but once i settled down i even started to talk in a british accent
the ex's grandarents at first thought i was from the usa
what a compliment
it actually is if you ask me... since i am german and english isnt my native language at all
i even struggled with it for many years
when i was 14 i only got E's and F's in my english tests and papers

talking about the ex
i am thinking about going public again on here since i finally managed to get him out of my life
i am glad that i stayed strong and got this done
now i can finally get my heart back
since my tattoo will be a human heart with a scissor stung into it
its not too grafic and there arent many vains on it and all that... its more shading-heavy

i am so stocked about my tattoo and i so cant wait
hopefully i can get a copy of the picture he drew

oh oh oh
i decided to search for a really good tattoo artist and get a sleeve done
not too soon... but i want to get it done and that shall be my next project i think
i am thinking of either making it a mark ryden or a jessicka/Jack off Jill tribut thing, so the artist has to be a damn good one since i know mark rydens artwork well and i dont want just anyone to do and fuck with it
i am really picky and i can find mistakes really easily when it comes to copying art... it sucks to be a creativ person that draws as well

maybe i should go to bed... my back is really hurting and my body still needs rest
btw... i got a new haircut
i am gonna shut up now

0 comments reply | edit memory

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